5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners Book

5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners | Download eBook Read Pdf-ePub-Kindle

Download full pdf book 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners by available in full 312 pages, and make sure to check out other latest books Humor related to 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners below.

5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners

By
  • ISBN Code: : 1628734205
  • Publisher : Simon and Schuster
  • Pages : 312
  • Category : Humor
  • Reads : 487
  • Book Compatibility : Pdf, ePub, Mobi, Kindle
  • Pdf : 5-000-sidesplitting-jokes-and-one-liners.pdf

Book Excerpt :

“I’ll never forget the words my granddad said before he kicked the bucket. He said ‘Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.’” “The key to any marriage is spontaneity. You’ve got to be ready to leave at any time.” Bringing together some of the funniest, wittiest, and most cutting jokes the world over, Grant Tucker’s volume is the definitive collection of the quips comedians call “one-liners.” Short, sweet, and undeniably clever, one-liners hold a special place in the history of comedy, and the rise of Twitter and social media seems to have ushered in a new era of this comedic art form. With most people expressing themselves in 140 characters or less, there seems no better time to celebrate Grant’s collection and the immortal one-liner. Side-splittingly funny, 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners has all the puns, zingers, and witty remarks you could ever ask for—and many you’d never dream of asking for. “My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.” “A dyslexic man walks into a bra.” “Corduroy pillows: they’re making headlines!” “Promises are a bit like babies: fun to make but hard to deliver.” “Schizophrenia—together I can beat it.” “Drugs are never the answer. Unless the clue is: ‘Narcotics, five letters.’”

Recommended Books For Reading


  • 5,000 Great One Liners
    5,000 Great One Liners

    A Book written by , published by Biteback Publishing 2012-09-25 - 320 pages - part of Reference books.

    Get eBook
  • Hilariously Lame Jokes!
    Hilariously Lame Jokes!

    A Book written by Harry Hilton, published by Simon and Schuster 2018-07-24 - 166 pages - part of Juvenile Nonfiction books.

    Get eBook
  • The Mammoth Book of One-Liners
    The Mammoth Book of One-Liners

    A Book written by Geoff Tibballs, published by Robinson 2012-06-07 - 160 pages - part of Humor books.

    Get eBook
  • Laughter Totally is the Best Medicine
    Laughter Totally is the Best Medicine

    A Book written by Reader's Digest, published by Simon and Schuster 2018-10-16 - 216 pages - part of Humor books.

    Get eBook
  • Have You Heard the One About . . .
    Have You Heard the One About . . .

    A Book written by Justin Sedgwick, published by Simon and Schuster 2017-09-12 - 344 pages - part of Humor books.

    Get eBook
  • Programmed for Laughs
    Programmed for Laughs

    A Book written by Matt Chapman, published by Simon and Schuster 2021-04-27 - 96 pages - part of Juvenile Fiction books.

    Get eBook
  • The Best Joke Book (Period)
    The Best Joke Book (Period)

    A Book written by William Donohue, published by Simon and Schuster 2014-10-03 - 208 pages - part of Humor books.

    Get eBook

Read Also This Books

Jokelopedia

By Eva Blank,Alison Benjamin,Rosanne Green,Ilana Weitzman,Lisa Sparks
  • File : Pdf, ePub, Mobi, Kindle
  • Publisher : Workman Publishing
  • Book Code : 0761176845
  • Total of Pages : 288
  • Category : Juvenile Nonfiction
  • Members : 865
  • Pdf File: jokelopedia.pdf

Book Short Summary:

It’s the mother of all kids’ joke books—an all-encompassing, gut-busting, and bestselling collection of more than 1,700 jokes, tongue-twisters, riddles, and puns for all occasions. Here are 61 elephant jokes, including: What did the elephant say when he walked into the post office? / Ouch! Dozens of knock-knock jokes, like: Knock-knock. / Who’s there? / Doris. / Doris who? / Doris locked. That’s why I knocked! Plus teacher jokes and creature jokes, doctor jokes and robber jokes, food jokes, gross jokes, why-did-the-chicken-cross-the-road jokes, and name-game jokes: What do you call a man in a tiger’s cage? / Claude. And for all aspiring comedians, there are joke-telling pointers and tips, funny facts, and spotlights on comic TV shows, books, and actors, from Steve Carell to Tina Fey to SpongeBob Squarepants. It’s the ultimate gift for the incurable jokester.

A History of Underwear with Professor Chicken

By Hannah Holt
  • File : Pdf, ePub, Mobi, Kindle
  • Publisher : Roaring Brook Press
  • Book Code : 1250871212
  • Total of Pages : 40
  • Category : Juvenile Nonfiction
  • Members : 697
  • Pdf File: a-history-of-underwear-with-professor-chicken.pdf

Book Short Summary:

Packed with information, hilariously but accurately (well...except for the chickens) illustrated, Hannah Holt and Korwin Briggs' A History of Underwear with Professor Chicken is sure to wedge its way into the annals of history-based picture books. From Paleolithic loincloths to Henry VIII's wives wearing underwear on their heads to Mary Walker, a civil war surgeon who was arrested for wearing men's underwear and clothing to better work on patients, this book surveys the vast and fascinating history of our most private clothing. Modeled by chickens, we trace the history of underwear from the very first discovery- a paleolithic nomad whose body was found completely preserved in ice. From there, we look across time and culture in this completely accessible, new take on boring old nonfiction picture books.

The Everything Big Book of Jokes

By Evan C Thomas
  • File : Pdf, ePub, Mobi, Kindle
  • Publisher : Simon and Schuster
  • Book Code : 144057698X
  • Total of Pages : 272
  • Category : Humor
  • Members : 333
  • Pdf File: the-everything-big-book-of-jokes.pdf

Book Short Summary:

Have you heard the one about... You'll laugh yourself silly with The Everything Big Book of Jokes! Inside this sidesplitting collection, you'll find only the most popular kinds of jokes, riddles, and funnies from a dynamic professional comedian, including: Short jokes, one-liners, and puns Jokes about spouses, in-laws, kids, and grandparents Office and sports jokes Animal humor Classics, including "Guy walks into a bar..." blonde jokes, priest and rabbi jokes, even knock-knock jokes Filled with countless gags, giggles, and guffaws, this book is sure to tickle your funny bone--and make you the life of the party!

The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents

By Terry Pratchett
  • File : Pdf, ePub, Mobi, Kindle
  • Publisher : Random House
  • Book Code : 1407070509
  • Total of Pages : 304
  • Category : Juvenile Fiction
  • Members : 346
  • Pdf File: the-amazing-maurice-and-his-educated-rodents.pdf

Book Short Summary:

IT’S A RAT-EAT-RAT WORLD . . . Every town on Discworld knows the stories about rats and pipers, and Maurice – a streetwise tomcat – leads a band of educated ratty friends (and a stupid kid) on a nice little earner. Piper plus rats equals lots and lots of money. Until they run across someone playing a different tune. Now he and his rats must learn a new concept: evil . . .

A Fine and Pleasant Misery

By Patrick F. McManus
  • File : Pdf, ePub, Mobi, Kindle
  • Publisher : Holt Paperbacks
  • Book Code : 1466809396
  • Total of Pages : 224
  • Category : Humor
  • Members : 509
  • Pdf File: a-fine-and-pleasant-misery.pdf

Book Short Summary:

“A hilarious compilation” (Los Angeles Times), A Fine and Pleasant Misery gathers twenty-seven witty, cautionary tales of the outdoor life from beloved humorist Patrick F. McManus in a collection edited and introduced by Jack Samson, long-time editor-in-chief of Field & Stream. The great outdoors have never been rendered as hysterically as in the reminiscences—true and exaggerated—of Patrick F. McManus. If you’re thinking about getting back to nature, the surreal adventures chronicled here will make you think twice about giving it all up for a life of camping, hiking, and hunting.

Carry This Book

By Abbi Jacobson
  • File : Pdf, ePub, Mobi, Kindle
  • Publisher : Penguin
  • Book Code : 0735223238
  • Total of Pages : 144
  • Category : Humor
  • Members : 326
  • Pdf File: carry-this-book.pdf

Book Short Summary:

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER From the mind of Broad City’s Abbi Jacobson, author of I Might Regret This, a wonderfully weird and weirdly wonderful illustrated look at the world around us—all through the framework of what we carry. “Jacobson’s art is warm, textured, and carefully composed, a little bit Maira Kalman and a little bit Roz Chast. It’s also genuinely funny.” —Vox With bright, quirky, and colorful line drawings, Jacobson brings to life actual and imagined items found in the pockets and purses, bags and glove compartments of real and fantastical people—whether it’s the contents of Oprah’s favorite purse, Amelia Earhart’s pencil case, or Bernie Madoff’s suitcase. How many self-tanning lotions are in Donald Trump’s weekender? What’s inside Martha Stewart’s hand-knit fanny pack? What kind of protein bars does Michelle Obama hide in her tiny clutch at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner? An instant New York Times bestseller, Carry This Book provides a humorous and insightful look into how the things we carry around every day make up who we are.

E-mergency!

By Ezra Fields-Meyer
  • File : Pdf, ePub, Mobi, Kindle
  • Publisher : Chronicle Books
  • Book Code : 1452110271
  • Total of Pages : 40
  • Category : Juvenile Fiction
  • Members : 933
  • Pdf File: e-mergency.pdf

Book Short Summary:

It s an E-mergency! The letter E took a tumble and the only way to get her back on her foot is for people to stop using her. But who can take her place? The other letters have to make a decision ASAP. Z is too sleepy and Y asks way too many questions. Thankfully, O rolls in to try and save the day. Now E can rost up and got bottor . . . as long as ovorybody follows the rulos. Chock-full of verbal and visual puns, this zany book is sure to tickle both the brain and the funny bone.

The Best of the Rejection Collection

By Matthew Diffee
  • File : Pdf, ePub, Mobi, Kindle
  • Publisher : Workman Publishing
  • Book Code : 0761168664
  • Total of Pages : 353
  • Category : Humor
  • Members : 547
  • Pdf File: the-best-of-the-rejection-collection.pdf

Book Short Summary:

Rescued from the New Yorker’s rejection pile, the cartoons collected here offer an inside look at the jokes its editors would rather keep to themselves. Too edgy, raunchy, or outrageous for one of the world’s most esteemed magazines, The Best of the Rejection Collection brings together some of the funniest and most original work by the New Yorker’s brightest talents—Roz Chast, Gahan Wilson, Sam Gross, Jack Ziegler, David Sipress, and more. Here you’ll discover their other sides: dark, juvenile, naughty, sick, or just plain weird. And what a treat. Ventriloquist dummy cartoons. Operating room cartoons. Bring your daughter to work day cartoons (the stripper; the death row prison guard). Lots of couples in bed, quite a few coffins, wise-cracking animals—and zero restraint. “The submissions were not set aside because they were not funny but (for the most part) because they were too funny.” —The New York Times, on The Best of the Rejection Collection

An Unofficial Joke Book for Fortniters: 800 All-New Explosively Hilarious Jokes for Fans of Fortnite

By Brian Boone
  • File : Pdf, ePub, Mobi, Kindle
  • Publisher : Simon and Schuster
  • Book Code : 1510770836
  • Total of Pages : 176
  • Category : Juvenile Nonfiction
  • Members : 533
  • Pdf File: an-unofficial-joke-book-for-fortniters.pdf

Book Short Summary:

Did you hear about the barnyard animal who learned to play Fortnite? She won the Cattle Royale! Why do Fortnite players have great smelling breath? They use Scope. Why did the Fortnite player build a house out of old harvested wood? He needed structure. If you loved An Unofficial Joke Book for Fortniters: Sidesplitting Jokes from Salty Springs, you'll love this volume eight hundred all-new gut-busting jokes for you and your squad! From puns and wordplay to funny one-liners that will have you dancing, this hysterical book has the funniest jokes inspired by Fortnite and its gameplay. Cackle your way to victory with the craziest and silliest jokes you can fire off to everyone on the island! For kids ages eight and up, this is the perfect book for at home, at school, or any battle royale! You’ll enjoy telling these sidesplitting jokes to your friends and family. Get extra laughs from the silly illustrations throughout!

Reader's Digest Laughter is the Best Medicine: All Time Favorites

By Reader's Digest
  • File : Pdf, ePub, Mobi, Kindle
  • Publisher : Simon and Schuster
  • Book Code : 1621455971
  • Total of Pages : 216
  • Category : Humor
  • Members : 865
  • Pdf File: reader-s-digest-laughter-is-the-best-medicine.pdf

Book Short Summary:

A hilarious collection of the funniest family-friendly jokes, quotes, stories, cartoons, and anecdotes from the past 100 years of Reader’s Digest magazine. A little chuckle every day will keep the doctor away. Editors have mined the Reader’s Digest archives to bring you Laughter Is the Best Medicine, All-Time Favorites, a collection of the most hilarious jokes and anecdotes we’ve come across over the years. As you turn the pages of our newest collection, you’ll realize once again that laughter is always the best medicine. If evolution really works, how come mothers have only two hands? –Milton Berle The game card said: “Name three wars.” My teenage daughter’s response: “Civil War, Revolutionary War, and Star Wars.” Keep your temper. Nobody wants it. –Dearborn Independent Check out this billion-dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell, “I’m just cooking!” Anthropologists have discovered a 50-million-year-old human skull with three perfectly preserved teeth intact. They're not sure, but they think it may be the remains of the very first hockey player. –Jay Leno This collection of laugh-out-loud, clean jokes, one-liners, and other lighthearted glimpses of life—drawn from Reader’s Digest magazine’s most popular humor columns—is sure to tickle the funny bone. Packed with cartoons, quotes, quips, and stories contributed by professional comedians, joke writers, and readers of the magazine, this side-splitting compilation pokes fun at the facts and foibles of daily routines, illustrating that life is often funnier than fiction.

The World's Funniest Lawyer Jokes

By Steven D. Price
  • File : Pdf, ePub, Mobi, Kindle
  • Publisher : Simon and Schuster
  • Book Code : 1620879697
  • Total of Pages : 240
  • Category : Humor
  • Members : 856
  • Pdf File: the-world-s-funniest-lawyer-jokes.pdf

Book Short Summary:

What is it about lawyers that has made them the butt of hundreds and hundreds of jokes over the centuries? Whatever the reason, everyone—including lawyers and judges themselves—has laughed at attorney-aimed humor. Now here is the best and most recent collection of jokes, anecdotes, quotations, and proverbs that poke fun (. . . and malice) at the legal profession. In summation, you must find The World’s Funniest Lawyer Jokes guilty of disorder in court and sentence all who read this perfect gift for any lawyer, client, judge, law student, or wannabe attorney to many hours of laughter.

A Walk in the Woods

By Bill Bryson
  • File : Pdf, ePub, Mobi, Kindle
  • Publisher : Anchor Canada
  • Book Code : 0385674546
  • Total of Pages : 416
  • Category : Travel
  • Members : 611
  • Pdf File: a-walk-in-the-woods.pdf

Book Short Summary:

God only knows what possessed Bill Bryson, a reluctant adventurer if ever there was one, to undertake a gruelling hike along the world's longest continuous footpath—The Appalachian Trail. The 2,000-plus-mile trail winds through 14 states, stretching along the east coast of the United States, from Georgia to Maine. It snakes through some of the wildest and most spectacular landscapes in North America, as well as through some of its most poverty-stricken and primitive backwoods areas. With his offbeat sensibility, his eye for the absurd, and his laugh-out-loud sense of humour, Bryson recounts his confrontations with nature at its most uncompromising over his five-month journey. An instant classic, riotously funny, A Walk in the Woods will add a whole new audience to the legions of Bill Bryson fans.

The VERY Embarrassing Book of Dad Jokes

By Ian Allen
  • File : Pdf, ePub, Mobi, Kindle
  • Publisher : Portico
  • Book Code : 1909396095
  • Total of Pages : 300
  • Category : Humor
  • Members : 817
  • Pdf File: the-very-embarrassing-book-of-dad-jokes.pdf

Book Short Summary:

Why did the banana go to the doctors? Because he wasn't peeling very well! Proving the age-old maxim that its in the way that you tell them, Dads for the best part of forever have always been renowned for being truly god-awful joke tellers. Whether its telling them at the wrong moment, misremembering the punchline or it just simply being one of those jokes that were terrible to begin with, Dads are an embarrassment to the whole family when it comes to trying to tell jokes. The VERY Embarrassing Book of Dad Jokes is full to the brim with jokes that only your dear old Dad would dare say jokes that will make you groan, sigh ... and then probably make you groan again. Dads take great pleasure in these kinds of jokes and some of them are so rubbish they actually blossom into proper rib-ticklers but dont tell your dad that, itll only encourage him!

The Sarcasm Handbook

By Lawrence Dorfman,James Michael Naccarato
  • File : Pdf, ePub, Mobi, Kindle
  • Publisher : Simon and Schuster
  • Book Code : 1510723277
  • Total of Pages : 192
  • Category : Humor
  • Members : 171
  • Pdf File: the-sarcasm-handbook.pdf

Book Short Summary:

From the author of the bestselling Snark series comes the premiere guide to satire, sneering, jeering, and mockery in their finest forms. A surviving knight of many a verbal joust, Larry Dorfman has become an expert at backhanded sass and cathartic banter. Featuring life lessons from the master himself, as well as quotes and quips by some of history’s sarcastic greats, The Sarcasm Handbook teaches readers how to deflect stupidity and express their inner dissatisfaction with a keen sensibility, hushing subtlety, and wisecrack wit. Included in these invaluable teachings are chapters on achieving the right tone, sarcastic bastards in history, as well as scenarios depicting some of the greatest moments in sarcasm. So pick up your copy today and start learning the art of disparagement through passive aggressiveness!

Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids

By Rob Elliott
  • File : Pdf, ePub, Mobi, Kindle
  • Publisher : Baker Books
  • Book Code : 1441213325
  • Total of Pages : 128
  • Category : Juvenile Nonfiction
  • Members : 901
  • Pdf File: laugh-out-loud-jokes-for-kids.pdf

Book Short Summary:

Over 1.5 million sold! USA TODAY bestseller! Wall Street Journal bestseller! What happens to race car drivers when they eat too much? They get indy-gestion. Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids provides children ages 7-10 many hours of fun and laughter. Young readers will have a blast sharing this collection of hundreds of one-liners, knock knock jokes, tongue twisters, and more with their friends and family! This mega-bestselling book will have children rolling on the floor with laughter and is sure to be a great gift idea for any child.

Friars Club Encyclopedia of Jokes

By Friars Club
  • File : Pdf, ePub, Mobi, Kindle
  • Publisher : Black Dog & Leventhal
  • Book Code : 1603762051
  • Total of Pages : 512
  • Category : Humor
  • Members : 906
  • Pdf File: friars-club-encyclopedia-of-jokes.pdf

Book Short Summary:

Finally in paperback?with lots of brand-new jokes from today's top comedians. What could be funnier than a great joke? How about 2,000 great jokes? In this side?splitting compendium, revised and updated and featuring a new introduction by Drew Carey, members of the world-renowned Friars Club and other comedians provide zingers for every occasion, situation, and taste. Organized alphabetically and by topic, this book is made for browsing, but it's also perfect for finding icebreakers for social occasions, adding a touch of humor to business speeches, and spicing up toasts. Hundreds of the best-known comedians are represented, including Sarah Silverman, Ellen Degeneres, Lewis Black, Ray Romano, Milton Berle, Carol Burnett, George Burns, George Carlin, Johnny Carson, Billy Crystal, Phyllis Diller, Bob Hope, Alan King, Richard Lewis, Bob Newhart, Rita Rudner, Jerry Seinfeld, Robin Williams, and tons more.

More One Liners, Jokes and Gags

By Grant Tucker
  • File : Pdf, ePub, Mobi, Kindle
  • Publisher : Biteback Publishing
  • Book Code : 184954672X
  • Total of Pages : 336
  • Category : Humor
  • Members : 694
  • Pdf File: more-one-liners-jokes-and-gags.pdf

Book Short Summary:

After making us laugh out loud with 5,000 Great One-Liners, Grant Tucker goes one better with this uproarious sequel! More One-Liners is another hilarious volume of the finest quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks known to humanity. From twists on the classics to modern greats, from A-grade antics to X-rated gags, from jokes you could tell your mother to jokes about yo momma, there's something short, sweet and wickedly clever for everyone in this definitive volume.